In case anyone's wondering about the first part of my title, let me tell you, it's the title of my honours year thesis. "Closed and Half-Closed: The Study of Closet Gay and Lesbian Identities in Singapore". Closed gays and lesbians are those who don't tell everyone their sexuality, only a selected few. Half-closed are those who're out to their friends, and sometimes even acquaintances, but definitely not out to their family, especially parents. This is particularly necessary in a place like SG, where the older people still tend to be more conservative, especially if their children are only sons, and the sons have to chuan zong jie tai (carry on the family line). So basically, ,my thesis was about how the closet gays and lesbians negotiate their identities in SG. I truly enjoyed my whole process of doing my thesis, from finding and interviewing my darling informants to writing it. So it's like my baby to me, see how happy I looked, like a new mother, haha!
And so this is going to be a long post of complaint. It all started from my results. Ended up with a just barely bloody second upper class honours because of my thesis, which my supervising prof had been so enthusiastic abt! He had thought that at worst, if the profs are anal about my topic, they would give me a B+. He would give me, I quote him: My mark for your dissertation would have been an A or A-." I was flabbergasted when I saw my darned results!!! C+! What the hell, seriously! I had thought that it was for another module, but then I thought again, no, I studied so hard, I shouldn't be getting C+ for that module, though I kind of sucked in my mid-terms haha! So I checked my results again, and really, REALLY, couldn't believe my eyes. it was C+ for my thesis! T.T
Obviously, I approached my supervisor about it, and he was just as shocked. He texted: "That's totally mental and offensive to me too. I have 10 years of experience in marking and supervising dissertations. This is not acceptable, yet not surprising: I expected something like this. Discrimination of all kinds are the norm in Sociology :(( I am so sorry, but we can fight this as much as we can!" Then he told me that he would meet the head of department and said, "I am very upset for what happened. There is no reason for such a mark." And I bloody hell agree man! C+ is only possible if one doesn't know what the heck one is talking about, and the arguments are incoherent and bloody weak! I haven't gotten a C+ in any module all my years in uni, much less for my own major! This is FREAKASS BLOODY SHIT I swear.
Then I waited for his reply, and when he did, he said: "Nobody is replying me. Hope to meet somebody tomorrow at least. The majority in there do not really care. :-/ I am so depressed about this. Be reassured that your dissertation does worth much more than what they marked it. You have worked very heard. You have my respect." --> Whee my prof's sweet! =)
I couldn't just wait for an answer, of course, so totally not my style for most things, haha. So I tried to contact the honours coordinator, and according to him, "I understand your disappointment. I checked with both examiners and they mentioned that it was a weak thesis. Ask your supervisor to approach the dept for help. Sorry I am out of the country." --> I dunno why he was out of the country at tt time when students just received their grades and some like me probably wanna appeal. It'd better be for something important, if not it's very disappointing cos I've always looked up to him. But it's just really too damned coincidental that he chose to be overseas at that period!
Weak thesis!? So I forwarded his text to my supervisor. My supervisor was simply furious. "Weak dissertation??? I think I will discuss one or two things with the Dean instead. If he is out of the country will be very difficult to know more :-/ we see tomorrow. I want to see the comments! You have one of the best bibliography I have seen since I mark dissertations in here. The name is: homophobia, that what it is! I am furious at the comments!"
So I had to wait for him to get back to me. And when he did, I was most mortified by his text. "Hi I have now spoken to the HOS and it seems that the exemplars have argued that we have used 1950!! literature and stereotyped homosexuality finally they argued that we have not taken into consideration the fact that Singapore is changed, homosexuality fully accepted and it doesn't surprise the public anymore! It is clear that the dissertation has been misread... I am sorry and disgusted about these things! You mainly used anthropology and my work written in 2008 and not sociology of sex of 1950."
Hello!? Besides using my supervisor's work, I too quoted two of my freaking examiner's work (Ok I know it was him but don't ask me how) written in 1997 and 2008! 2008 and 2011, how much can change in 3 years!? Especially in a place in SG! This reason is totally unacceptable and ridiculous! Not to mention that the core of my work is not about homosexuality, but identity! STUPID ARSES. And if they say such a situation doesn't exist anymore, why is section 377A still retained, why are gay and lesbian shows not shown in mainstream movies (even if they are, why are the ratings like M18 and all even when they don't have nudity?), and where the hell did I get my informants from!? Are they a mere figment of my super wild imagination!? Then I should be a bloody fiction author! Hmm, that's something I would like to be actually, haha! They are sooooooooooooo insulting to my poor REAL informants! Who are my friends!!!! >=( I'm so majorly PISSED! I got a C+ for this!? ARGH!!!!! Really, I'd chosen to write about homosexuality because I'd thought sociology is a department that inclines toward the marginalized! Apparently NOT!!
Besides this reason, I also know that my supervisor and one of the examiners aren't on very good terms, so I wonder if tt may be the reason too. I know, I know there are lot of politics amongst profs and teachers and all, but seriously, this is beyond my imagination. They harm innocent students based on their own personal politics man! >:(
